Breaking the Mold: Questioning Rituals and Customs

The most dangerous phrase in the language is, 'We have always done it this way'

 – Grace Hopper

In view of the very encouraging response received from readers on my previous blog post, "A World on Edge: Why Hostility is Becoming the Norm," published on May 15, 2025, I have decided to delve deeper into topics that constantly occupy my thoughts. During my engineering days at BITS Pilani, we were required to take several humanities courses as part of the curriculum. One such course was "Dynamics of Social Change," which I took in my third year. I found it very fascinating. Understanding sociology, society, and its dynamics is crucial and highly relevant in today's world, especially in a diverse country like India. Every day, we hear terms like tradition, culture, customs, and rituals, and we recognize their importance for our identity. However, many of these practices seem obsolete and irrational to me. Following such rituals and customs often makes me uncomfortable. My aim is not to criticize or undermine anything but to explore and examine the sociological dynamics of traditions, customs, rituals, and their associated aspects with an open and rational mind. I am further curious to do so because I am not a sociologist and hence have no biases. This allows me to approach the subject with a fresh perspective, unencumbered by preconceived notions or academic dogma.

Society evolves through interactions, ideas, and cultural shifts. The dynamics of society involve continuous changes in social structures, behaviors, and values, influenced by technological advancements, economic developments, political ideologies, and cultural exchanges. At the heart of societal dynamics are culture, traditions, customs, and rituals—each shaping human interactions.  Culture encompasses shared beliefs, practices, arts, language, and societal norms, defining a group's identity. Traditions are long-standing practices passed down through generations. Customs refer to habitual behaviors within a society, influencing daily interactions. Rituals are structured, often symbolic acts performed on specific occasions. While these elements bring structure and identity, they also wield immense influence over a society's growth. Traditions and customs foster belonging and continuity, promoting social cohesion and stability. However, some may perpetuate outdated or harmful practices, hinder progress and reinforcing inequalities. Rigid adherence to traditions, customs & rituals can stifle innovation and prevent societies from adapting to new challenges. In essence, while traditions and customs are integral to a society's identity, it is crucial to critically examine their impact and be open to change.

Societies and cultures across the world are deeply intertwined with traditions, customs, and rituals that often transcend national boundaries. These practices are regarded as integral aspects of daily life, shaping identities and shared experiences. Before delving further into the discussion, let us first examine a few widely practiced customs and rituals as representative examples to illustrate the point being made. These examples are purely illustrative and do not stem from any specific religion, culture, community, or region.

The Kanyadaan ritual in Hindu weddings symbolizes the bride's father giving her away to the groom, seen as an act of charity. Supporters believe it reflects parents' selfless love, while critics argue it reinforces patriarchal views, treating the bride as property. In modern society, where equality defines marriage, the idea of "giving away" a woman seems outdated. Many couples now modify the ritual to emphasize mutual respect, celebrating marriage as a union of equals rather than a transfer.

The Milni ritual in North Indian weddings symbolizes the union of two families. Traditionally, the bride’s family members showers gifts/money on their counterparts of groom’s family without reciprocation, raising concerns about gendered traditions. While Milni is often seen as an expression of respect and goodwill, it subtly reinforces patriarchal norms. The lack of reciprocity creates an imbalance, making it more of a concession than an exchange. However, modern families are redefining Milni by introducing a mutual exchange of gifts, challenging outdated customs and promoting equality.

The infant-tossing ritual, practiced in parts of Kerala and Karnataka, is believed to bring good luck and divine blessings. Infants are dropped from a height and caught in a cloth held by devotees. While proponents argue it ensures the child’s health and prosperity, medical experts condemn the practice due to serious risks like head trauma and psychological distress. The ritual raises ethical concerns about child safety and consent. Activists and authorities have called for stricter regulations to prevent such practices, emphasizing that faith should never come at the cost of a child's well-being.

The Thookam ritual, particularly Garudan Thookkam, is a dramatic tradition observed in Kerala’s Kali temples. Participants, dressed as Garuda, perform a ritual dance before undergoing skin-piercing with metal hooks and being suspended as an offering to Goddess Kali. Rooted in mythology, the ritual symbolizes Garuda’s sacrifice to quench Kali’s thirst. While devotees see it as an act of faith, critics argue it borders on self-inflicted violence and should be reassessed in light of modern human rights and medical ethics.

The ritual of worshiping and feeding young girls during Navratras, known as Kanya Pujan, symbolizes the reverence of feminine divinity, recognizing girls as embodiments of the goddess Durga. While the custom carries a noble intent—honoring the feminine and cultivating humility and gratitude—it often falls short in practice. Many times, it becomes a token gesture, lacking consistency with the everyday treatment of women and girls in society. Girls are celebrated for a day, only to face neglect, discrimination, or even violence the rest of the year. This disconnect highlights the need for deeper reflection and meaningful reform. The ritual could evolve by expanding its scope beyond symbolic feeding—ensuring education, safety, and equality for girls year-round. In doing so, the spirit of the tradition would be preserved while making it truly impactful in today’s context.

The tradition of tossing rice or confetti at weddings, once a symbol of fertility and prosperity, has become more of a visual custom than a meaningful ritual. Modern concerns—like environmental impact, venue restrictions, and cleanup issues—make it increasingly impractical. Since weddings have largely moved outside the home, many couples now opt for eco-friendly alternatives such as petals, bubbles, or biodegradable confetti, while others skip the tradition entirely. As weddings embrace minimalism and sustainability, this shift highlights how customs evolve over time, often lingering more out of habit than relevance.

Above examples of traditions and rituals showcase both their positive and negative aspects reflecting how some have seamlessly evolved while others encounter resistance to change. This ongoing transformation not only shapes cultural identities but also ignites thoughtful discussions about the relevance and impact of traditions in the modern era.

Traditions evolve with societal changes, influenced by culture, technology, and social movements. Resistance to change is deeply ingrained in human psychology, and several factors contribute to this fear. Social pressure plays a significant role, as individuals often fear ostracization if they defy established customs. This fear of being excluded or judged by their community can be a powerful deterrent to change. Additionally, many people see traditions as central to their identity, making any deviation feel like an identity crisis. The idea of abandoning or altering long-held customs can be unsettling, as it challenges their sense of self and belonging. Religious influence also contributes to resistance to change, as some customs and rituals are deeply entwined with religious beliefs, making any deviation seem sacrilegious.

Blindly following outdated traditions & customs without questioning their relevance leads to intellectual stagnation. It may also unintentionally encourage superstitious thinking. Progress depends on critical thinking, innovation, and adaptability. Societies that cling to defunct customs risk suppressing individuality and creativity, limiting economic and technological advancements, fostering discrimination and inequality, and hindering scientific and intellectual pursuits. It is essential to question and understand the purpose behind rituals to ensure they contribute positively to our lives and promote a more inclusive and dynamic society. Education alone does not guarantee reformist thinking. Many educated individuals still follow them due to various factors. Fear of societal judgment is a significant deterrent, as individuals often worry about being ostracized or criticized for challenging established norms. This fear can be deeply ingrained, making it difficult for people to voice dissent or advocate for change. Additionally, a lack of personal conviction to challenge norms can stem from a desire to fit in or avoid conflict. Education should empower individuals to analyze traditions objectively rather than blindly accept them.

For society to grow and improve, individuals need to take certain actions. First, it's important to encourage open discussions about traditions, customs & rituals without fear or judgment. People should feel safe to talk about customs and question their relevance. Second, schools and communities should promote rational thinking and critical questioning of traditions. This helps people understand why certain customs exist and whether they still make sense. Third, we should celebrate changes that move society forward.  Progress should be seen as growth, not as a threat to our heritage. Fourth, harmful traditions need to be challenged. Awareness campaigns can help expose outdated practices and suggest better alternatives. Finally, leading by example is crucial. When people defy outdated customs, they inspire others to rethink their beliefs and consider new ways of doing things.

I often find myself questioning traditions and customs, challenging the rituals that shape daily life. Rather than blindly following them, I believe in understanding their reasoning and evaluating their relevance in today’s world. My approach often provokes mixed reactions—some see it as disruptive and resist change, while others appreciate the effort to adapt traditions thoughtfully. While challenging established norms may unsettle many, progress depends on introspection and a willingness to evolve. Sociological studies reinforce the need to reassess societal customs, emphasizing their impact on intellectual and social growth. Despite social pressures and resistance, I remain committed to the belief that customs and rituals should evolve over time. Thoughtful reflection allows us to preserve meaningful traditions while discarding those that no longer serve a positive purpose. Simply following something because it has been practiced for generations does not align with my intellectual approach to life. I don’t expect everyone to agree with my views, but I hope they encourage a moment of reflection. Just my thoughts—perhaps a bit random, perhaps quietly timeless.

Manoj Mittal | May 24, 2025, | Noida

[Confetti- small pieces of papers, plastics or metals that are typically thrown during celebrations such as wedding. Originally term came from Italian, where 'confetti' referred to sugar coated almonds thrown during celebrations. Gradually it evolved to decorative papers etc.]

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